Good Relationships

Several years back, I noticed most relationships between the opposite sex rely on sex to create a level of intimacy. Being a curious mind, I researched why, and how to get the same results through different means (that’s what engineers do!). Over the past two days, I have been asked many questions about having good relationships. Only once was it indirectly asked to my hearing and I had to respond still. Questions such as “is it possible for a guy and a girl to be friends without having sex?”, “can a guy and a girl be friends as two guys (or two girls) are friends?”, “I like him; but in the world I come from, if you don’t have sex with a guy, you are not ready for him” and many more. Unfortunately, the stereotypical answer to these questions is “no, there cannot exist a relationship between the two sexes without a sexual attraction”. This is a flaw on logic built from myopic egotistic viewpoints that has been engraved into our 21st century culture.

I begin by accepting the fact that there should be some form of attraction to bring the opposite sexes to network (using the term loosely) with each other. You may posses a skill they need, have the financial stability that can satisfy their life’s requirements, occupy a [charismatic] position from which they need favor, have attained a level of sexiness unknown to the immediate neighborhood, or [my favorite] have attained a swag level that’s incomprehensible to the haters and keeps pulling real people your way. In any case, the person approaching you (or the person you are approaching) has stood out enough to gain your trust to a threshold (but minimal) level. Also, for every communication, verbal or gestural, there is some sort of relationship that exists. Therefore relationships exist at different levels in life in different intensities.

There is a basic difference between males and females when handling relationship issues. In terms of artwork, the male always wants to print while the female wants to laminate.

The man will generally want to do one thing at a time and be good at it while the woman will dare to make all things good at once. With some quick googling, here is a site to find more about the core neural differences between male and female brains. The fourth point strongly addresses this issue. One difference I observed is: if a man tells you his problems, look for a solution but if a woman tells you her problems, you are better off getting into the problems with her.

Hence, I strongly contradict the norm when I say, YES, it is possible to have a relationship with the opposite sex that’s not based on sex and enjoy the relationship more than a porn couple.

Women understand themselves and so do men; this is why they can be friends. But if the basic emotional needs of both parties are understood by each parties—if the ladies recognize that after a hard day’s work, men just want to eat and sleep and if men realize that after a long day at the mall, ladies would prefer you to listen to their adventures and mirror the emotions they had as she talks you through them—you would not need sex to fuel a relationship comprising of opposite sexes. Careful though! With this level of understanding, the probability of you two having sex will greatly increase because the level of trust built through understanding each other without it will be very high. All it takes is the first resistance. Emotional Intelligence by David Goleman makes us understand that emotions are just impulses. Impulses our brain sends to our motor (sometimes autonomic) systems and have us act on them. Once you can resist the impulse to have sex for the first time and still keep this level of understanding (briefly explained at the beginning of this paragraph) without backbiting, there you have it—a good relationship is born.

So, people, I have not said much here but it is possible to have a relationship not built on sex. Else, there will have to be an intercourse for every interview you have in a company, a coitus when you want to talk to your brother, sister, father or mother and possibly a orgy when people gather for religious and spiritual reasons. Dig into the fundamentals of these relationships you find mundane in your life and you will realize your personal recipe for making good relationships.


One thought on “Good Relationships

  1. Interesting thoughts… I wonder if she’ll be happy reading this; that you just want to talk and not make her feel good. Lol.

    On a not-joking note, I wonder how much of our humanity would remain if we placed some certain elements on hold. I know, I know, I got here through sex… Duh! (That sounds weird) Yes we humans need to have sex to reproduce, but say we limit it to just that (procreation) what else do we know about ourselves to live on (excitedly if I might add) if daily pounding is removed from the equation.

    It seems that when we lack what to say, what to aspire towards, what to live and support each other for, we just tickle her knee, tingle a few senses (or a lot of them, depending on your sensual capacity) excite some hormones and voilà! We’re done. Let’s nap a little. OK, see you again tomorrow, same time, same channel (or same position or whatever), don’t touch that dial!

    If without sex we have nothing to say, then our relationships (as well as we the creatures) are no longer relating on an intelligible plane, but on a beastly (for lack of a better word. Maybe primal would be apt, but who knows eh?) Plane. Like dogs barking at each other just to initiate a hump the next minute.

    But this was supposed to be a comment not an essay. It got my gears rolling. Unnecessary sex always complicates stuff that’s my beef and why should it if it’s natural?

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